Day 2

This is actually a little bit easier than I thought. Most of the day I haven’t thought about him, but then I go downstairs, and the couch, the top of the snake tank, and the top of the refrigerator are all empty. No orange cat there.

He was the softest cat I ever petted.

Tiffany says he stayed under the bed. He tried to come out a time or two, but the dogs scared him. He came out to eat and to knock a photo frame off of the dresser, but other than that, he’s stayed under the bed. She says Annabelle is trying to make friends with him, but he’s not having it. But he did get up in the middle of the night and use the litter box like a good boy, even though she hadn’t shown him where it was.

I ache for him. I miss him so. Everything but the floor of the house seems so empty without him. All of the counters and the back of the couch, and … well, just everywhere. There are a hundred ways in which life is easier without him. The bedroom door can be open at night now because he won’t come in and walk all over Curtis. I left a bit of food on the kitchen counter today, and realized that I didn’t have to dispose of it immediately because there’s no one around to steal it. I left a cup of water on the coffee table and realized that when I got up and left the living room, there was no reason to take it with me. There was no one around to put his big clubby paw in it and to knock it over and watch the water spill.

Oh, I miss him. I’m walking a very fine line between wanting what’s best for him and being completely and utterly selfish. I want him back. I want him to sit on my lap right now. But in reality, he wouldn’t be on my lap if he were here. He might possibly be around my neck on my pillow, but he never was a lap cat. And the more I wanted him there, the less likely that he’d be there. What a little prick he was. 80% of the time he was an absolute ass. But the other 20% of the time he was my sweet little boy, and all he wanted was my love. I cherished those moments.

I want to go visit him, but it doesn’t seem like that would be fair to him. I need to give him time to adjust. It’s the right thing to do, I know. But all of this “right” and “selflessness” feels like crap.